Walls

I have decided that people never really show who they are. Well, they do to a certain point. It's like a game. Or fishing...yeah, definately like fishing. I mean, they hand you a part of themselves on a hook, and whether you decided to bite or not determines whether or not you will be able to understand them. To see the amazing person they keep locked away inside. This may come across as being a little bit arrogant, but I tend to see myself as the person who bites (and not in a sarcastically burnage type way...think of the simile). Well, only where friends are concerned. I always want to look deeper, get to know everyone for the person they have hidden behind the wall, the person that is kept under lock and key. I want to bring out the person that is afraid to face the world. I don't mind being other people's strength. But don't let me be my own. In a word, I am a coward. I am afraid of revealing the part of myself I drive others to release. I am afraid of letting go of the inner most section of my mind in which I ponder all my little problems. To an extent I keep a part of me locked away from everyone, even my very best friends (although they know a part of me that no one ever has). I fear romance, because I just can't come to grips with the thought that there could be someone out there who would love me for me...I'm just that warped at times. My cool confidence (bwahahaha, me confident? yeah, that'll be the day) tends to melt away to the shy awkward girl who wants nothing more than to return to the days when I could still curl up on my Daddy's lap and have him fight away all of the monsters for me. But I'm older now. I have to face the darkness alone. And all because I'm afraid to knock down my wall. But if you need it, I can help you with yours. More strangeness yet to come.

The show must go on

So, I have recently been looking over the mess I like to call my life. I have decided that I make it far more complicated than it has to be. Perhaps this is a side-effect of the instinctive human desire for the drama and the challenge of getting through all these little things. That or it could be that life is playing hardball, and I've always sucked at sports...you know, except basketball, in which my height gives me an obvious advantage. And I still suck at it. So, I begin to wonder to myself whether it is the human desire for challenge, for misery or just the overall need to be humiliated beyond all belief every once in a while which drives us all towards actions that lead to the type drama that one would expect from an Aaron Spelling show. Also, the drama gives us a portal in which we can easily allow ourselves to be analyzed by our friends without being, you know, all with the self-consciousness that usually applies to everything that is me...er, ah, human. Yeah, maybe getting a little too personal here. Ah, but the drama...it is everything that makes life worth living and worth hitting someone with a car. More strangeness yet to come.

Recovery

Today is the day I like to call the day after, the recovery, the aftermath if you will. After a night of excessive drinking, and yes it was excessive, as well as the occasional party slogan, I am currently attempting to be my usual chipper self while struggling with the symptoms of drinking. As John Wayne would say "I've a touch of hangover...Don't push me!" As such, I am in the avoidance stage of homework, yet again, as I replay the comical events of last night in my mind. It was for a good cause, really. My friend's birthday (Happy Birthday, by the by) as well as my big brother's visit and introduction to the colourful cast of characters I call my friends. After many many drinks, and experiences that I promised never to forget (a promise I kept, although the memory is a bit befuddled) I have decided that a good time was had indeed. So I suppose all of the headache-y tired, hungover-ness is well deserved. Doesn't make it better though. More strangeness yet to come.

Such a bitch.

After a brief discussion with a friend of mine, I have come to the very serious realization (yes another one I should have made years upon years ago) that everyone in my life is love's bitch. And not just a 'hey, we hang out all the time cuz you's my bitch yo', but a full on 'get me my coffee, make me breakfast and do my laundry' type bitch. I mean, everyone I know is all caught up in the drama surrounding said emotion. And despite everyone always saying how grand love is, all it seems like to me is that it likes screwing with our heads and throwing around the major drama. The OC ain't got nothing on us. As my friend and I were discussing it, we came up with the analogy of "the edge". To me (probably not to him, but who really knows right...I'm not a friggin' psychic) it creates this image of impending doom, a great chasm in which all the romantics of the world are forever lost, some willingly and some not so much. The only hope these people ever have of returning to the world before the edge is claw their way up the steep and slippery slope. Don't get me wrong. Who's to say that the chasm isn't a beautiful place with streams and flowers and butterflies and long green grass. It's just in my opinion, and I do quote Jurrasic Park 2 here, I think it's better to "STAY OUT OF THE LONG GRASS!". Of course this is just the humble ramblings of a cynic who has never really experienced love, especially in the mind blowing Princess Bride/Moulin Rouge way (you know, without the dying, cause, let's face it, that would really suck). So here I sit rambling on about something I know very little about. But then again, how is that different from any other day? Touche my friend, touche. More strangeness yet to come.

Ponder-ific

Have you ever had one of those days where you just sit and ponder? You know, wonder if you made the right choices concerning school, if you really need all the crap that is now cluttering up your room, if MJ really is innocent? Yeah, me neither. Yet here I am, stuck in a totally new situation, pondering the whole thing and I can only come up with one real conclusion. Yeah his music is amazing and totally revolutionary, but MJ is a bit on the weird side, so who's to say? Of course, this is yet another twist that I seem to find overly hilarious while the world around me rolls its eyes and asks when I'm going to grow up and move on. I, in defiance, shall shout "never!" and then continue on in my horribly punny way. As a declared innocent MJ would say, it's good to be king. I'll have to wait until I rule the world to tell him if it's as good as he claims. More strangeness yet to come.

Hmmmm

I have recently had it brought to my attention that I don't like to be analyzed. True, this is a common characteristic of most people. However, I love to analyze others. I can sit there all day giving them my opinions of how I think things are, and how I think they should be. Not to say that this is a bad thing. Usually if I'm taking the time to tell you what I think of your life (and how good it may be making mine look...a joke of course... ... ...well for the most part it is) it means I like you and respect you enough to want you to be happy. If I didn't like you, I'd probably kick back with a Vanilla Coke and a large tub of buttery popcorn, mmmm popcorn, and watch the enivatable trainwreck that will soon be your life. Of course, I'd try to keep the laughing to a minimum. Unless I really don't like you. But I digress, and also feel obligated to point out that I have already taken this entry from being all about my desire to remain somewhat aloof and mysterious to one all about the comedy that I seem to find in the downfall of others. But admit it...you enjoy it too. More strangeness yet to come.

Headache and Homework to boot

I woke up this morning, already behind in about half of my courses, which is a surprisingly easy thing to do. Facing my impending doom, I trudged wearily into class (when I decided on taking morning classes, I must have been on something....something very very potent) only to find out that I was not alone in my plight. YAY! Of course, as all good things do, my happiness ended quite quickly. Not only did I spend the next four hours discussing the First World War and the atrocities and horrors there of, but about half way through the class I got a mind numbing head ache. Joy and rapture. So here I am now, hours later, suffering through the headache (I try to take as few pain killers as I can, but give me five more minutes and I'm sure I'll be downing Tylenol like candy) and thinking of the mounds of homework I have left to do. So what do I do? In typical procrastination fashion, I find myself sitting at the computer updating my blog as wells as reading my favorite webcomics. I say that I do this out of protest for the ungodly amounts of work I have before me, but really it's just my overwhelming laziness shining through. After I'm done here I'm sure my backside will find the couch and I will soon begin to nap as episode after episode of daytime television plays in the background (anything but soap operas...I mean, really, get a plot). So there you have it. Laziness leading to more work. I just love my life. More strangeness yet to come.

Pathetic

I have decided that when I have a crush on guy I become overly, well, pathetic. My regular off-beat strangely different coolness (as I like to call it) falls inadvertently to the wayside and somehow I morph back into the brainless girl I spent most of my high school years as. I shudder when I think of how this change seems to come over me so quickly. Oy vay. On a sadder/happier note: although I did not get participate in the pub night activities of drinking, flirting and an overall good time, I was able to expand my ever growing collection of DVD's. I am a movie junkie to the nth degree, and though I claim to be a connaseur (or however you spell that friggin' word), my collection sadly proves otherwise. I am a fan of either really really good movies, or really really bad ones. It's a tragic mixture of complete opposites, but perhaps that's what makes it all so great. More strangeness yet to come.

An Introduction Is In Order, Take 2

So here's the skinny, the 4-11, the downlow. I do not expect anyone to read this. By all means, feel free to read it if you come across it, but this mainly is an electronic forum in which I work out the trials and tribulations of my day to day life. The reason I don't expect anyone to read this is simply because I don't plan on telling anyone that this is here. Well I secretly want to tell people this is here, which displays my complexity, or perhaps my lack of complexity as in a week or two I will breakdown and tell every that it is here. This blog probably won't too exciting, as my life is your usual humdrum existence that one would expect from a teen drama that you would more than likely turn off, but I, with my crazy obsession of pop culture, would watch until I became a virtual slave of it. I am a lowly student trying to work up the motivation to last yet another year, I like my job and hate my boss and am constantly being bombarded with boy troubles, half of which I imagine, and the other half I blow completely out of porportion. Exciting, no? Ah, well, that is a fairly interesting run down of me. More strangeness yet to come.